In John 6 there is a curious phrase about how the Father initiates the process of Salvation in the hearts of men.
John 6:44
No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him. And I will raise him up on the last day.
The word draws is the Greek ἑλκύσῃ ([helkyo]). This word doesn't mean "draw"
like how we would immediately understand it - in the sense of wooing, or
convincing... I'm not really sure why draws is the common English
translation, I have a theory about theological presuppositions in the modern
Christian movement but it's not super relevant to my thought on it. It's not
relevant, because this word in its most native sense nearly perfectly describes
my experience with Jesus. Before diving in - here's a couple more Biblical
examples of the word...
John 21:6
And he said unto them, Cast the net on the right side of the ship, and ye shall find. They cast therefore, and now they were not able to draw [helkyo] it for the multitude of fishes.
James 2:6
But ye have despised the poor. Do not rich men oppress you, and draw [helkyo] you before the judgment seats?
So the oppressed are helkyo to judgement... The fish are helkyo'd into the
boat.
The simple definition is not "to lure" but "to haul" as in "to haul a net full of fish up into the boat". This is not an image of a gentle calling. And no doubt, Jesus is sweet with all of us at various times, the Word of the Lord is the source of rest and peace. But being drawn to God is not necessarily a romantic experience. For me, I was raised in the Church, went to youth group, and in hindsight did genuinely believe. The Lord knows his people from before time began, but it doesn't mean that his people don't live human lives in pre and post salvific forms. What I mean is - we're all born sinners, and Jesus changes the hearts of those whom the Father gives him. This is right out of John 6. But what's there for me is the reality that sometimes Jesus stretches out his hand and says "come, follow me". And other times he casts the net and drags you into the boat. For me, it was that.
When I went to college I was angry at God over idols in my life. I felt abandoned by many, didn't like my home life, was generally aimless, and easily persuaded into things I wanted to be true out of the rebellion I wanted to enact against the Lord. And this post isn't going to be me reliving any of those choices. At the end of the day, I was raised in the boat and wanted to jump and swim on my own.
I made every attempt I could to run from Jesus but ultimately that story ends with him simply [helkyo]'ing my ass back into the boat.
Free Will
Ok so what about my side of it? I did try to swim away... what about the idea that humans have "free will"?
Well, I'm not really here to argue about that much either, but it's worth addressing that in my post-salvific life my desire is that my will becomes whatever God's will is...
To be honest with you, the most freeing thing to me is knowing God cares about me. Whatever his will is, that's the will I want to align myself with.
It became clearer to me after becomming a dad. My kids aren't big enough to fully exercise their own free will and volition without getting hurt, and that's pretty much where I/we are with God... Sure I feel like an adult, but I do stupid things all the time, and I make choices I know are not the best. I can only really imagine that God looks as me like how I look at my daughters whenever they're disobeying to their own demise... My desire for them is that they want what I want for them, and it's because I actually do know better than they do, right? In the same way God knows better than me, and I want to be able to acknowledge that in the manner I want my daughters to acknowledge my desire for their greater good.
So, what is "free will"?
Hebrews 13:20-21
Now may the God of peace, who brought up from the dead our Lord Jesus—the great Shepherd of the sheep —through the blood of the everlasting covenant, equip you with everything good to do his will, working in us what is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.
I'm free to follow Jesus.