As if the Lord orchestrated Spurgeon's meditation to give me a spring board to what I need for the third day in a row...
- reflection-1-kings-19-8 He showed me that he sustains me unto his own service and glory
- reflection-john-4-14 He showed me that I've been pushing away aspects of his provision
And today I see the trials in my life reveal the status of my faith... Last night I got a phone call that I missed a credit card payment, which I thought odd since everything is on auto-pay. Well, turns out our checking account got a smidge low, low enough that the credit card payment was cancelled... In reality this isn't a huge deal, but it threw me off and continues to this morning. The truth is, the only issue is my lack of in-depth understanding of our money movement. Our lifestyle and living expenses are well below what we can otherwise afford, but in my laziness I have mostly neglected each of our accounts individually. No doubt this "trial" is self-imposed but Spurgeon's meditation is snapping me out of the funk that threw me into last night
fearless faith
If our faith be worth anything, it will stand the test. Gilt is afraid of fire, but gold is not: the paste gem dreads to be touched by the diamond, but the true jewel fears no test
The text is Numbers 11:11
Numbers 11:11
And Moses said to Yahweh, “Why have you brought trouble to your servant? Why have I not found favor in your eyes, that the burdens of all these people have been placed on me?
The meditation came from "Why have you brought trouble to your servant?"
Meditation vs Homily
My reflections over the summer have following the pattern of finding a scripture reference from Morning and Evening and then simply asking God to speak through the words of the text and Spurgeon's meditation. Historically I would study the text, but in the season of life I am in, where I do have years of studious foundation, I am trying to exercise trust in God to speak to me in ways outside of connecting theological knowledge dots that construct a mosaic of my own choosing. Instead I'm trying to just trust his sovereignty - he brought me to Morning and Evening on October 7, 2025 perhaps so that I could be encouraged in my faith in light of this missed credit card payment event/trial. These reflections are not meant to be educational on the Bible, or even on theology necessarily - I am practicing opening my mind and heart to God speaking to me in ways otherwise uncomfortable but with prudence as I'm not approaching these texts in ignorance. As I put these reflections into the world I want to be clear these are personal meditations, not Bible lessons
Reflection
Our heavenly Father sends us frequent troubles to try our faith... Are the source of those trials my own choices? Other's choices? Some meta-truth about the fallenness of creation? I think probably it's all of that... In reality, it doesn't matter where the trial comes from - directly from the heavens above or originating in our own mistakes (such as mine of note above). There is almost certainly some significance in the source but ultimately God is sovereign over every one of those possibilities, and so in another sense, it's almost insignificant what I consider the "source" of a trial. The real issue is how I respond to it.
Last night I was filled in my physical chest with a feeling of dread... Seeing my checking account low revealed that I have more digging to do to uncover any internal reliance on my own systems of security (like money). And the dumb part dear reader, is we have other accounts and plenty of money... I am in zero financial strain, but even so - seeing the number too low to make one of the payments sent my head into a whirlwind. God has also already provided a way out of this trial... I have budgeting software that I've been using for a long time and am just not on top of. He gave me the software I use and the ability to use it but it's my own lack of diligence that I think led to this "trial". And yet, with all that knowledge I find that I'm still troubled... I think I have a strong faith and one of my most common prayer is "Lord help my unbelief", and apparently today I need to shout this to the heavens. How dare I allow dread to overcome me when I claim to know my God provides.
And in that I know he is still sweet to me. I'm a father, and when my kids make a mess of themselves my first response (often, though I'm not perfect) to them is to kneel and say "hey I'm here, you're safe". The trial they make for themselves may fill them with the dread I filled myself with last night in missing that credit card payment.... If I will approach my kids joyfully in their own mess, and if I write all these pages about God's love for me and his people, then ought I not adopt the mindset towrads God that I want my daughter's to have when I come to save them?
God approaches me knowing that missing a credit card payment is hardly a bigger deal than my 4 year old spilling milk on the table. But my world can become small just like their worlds are small and then my issues can feel big. I need my heavenly father to kneel next to me and say "hey I'm here, you're safe". I say I need it, but actually I mean to say that I have it, and because I have it is the only reason I can in-turn treat my daughter's this way when their problems fill their little worlds.
Praise God for trials certainly, for what they reveal and for the Gospel truth that by the calling of Jesus our faith can be made pure and complete.